![]() It’s great advice, but it’s not because you’ll just start to “feel better” and then forget about the fact that, oh yeah, you’re going to be sleeping alone tonight, aren’t you? And it’s also not because these people provide an outlet for you to work through the failed relationship out loud, though that doesn’t hurt. Surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you is probably one of the most common pieces of advice for getting over someone. Getting Over Someone Requires New Sources of Meaning It’s time to accept that and start rebuilding your life so you can move on. If you wallow in this kind of thinking for too long, you end up clinging to the past, desperately trying to “fix” everything to somehow get your old life back.īut the hard pill to swallow here is this: part of you is now dead and gone. Everything becomes a blank void, empty of any real purpose, and we might even begin to wonder if there’s really any point to life at all. There is, quite literally, a hole inside of ourselves. That feeling of emptiness we all feel when we lose someone we love is actually a lack of meaning and lack of identity. So all of these things are intimately connected - your relationships, your sense of meaning and purpose, and your perception of who you are. And to lose meaning is to lose a part of yourself. Therefore, when you lose a relationship, especially one that was so important and central to your everyday life, you lose that associated meaning. But because humans rely so much on our social lives to survive and thrive, 2 our relationships with each other carry an extra special weight. And not just your interpersonal relationships, 1 but even the relationships you have with your job or your identity or your possessions. Relationships form the basis of meaning in our lives. So grab that bottle of gin and/or gallon of ice cream and let’s tackle this fucker together.Īnd I know you probably won’t believe me when I say this, but it really is going to be okay. I know, that sucks to hear, but the only way around it is through it. To that end, it’s a process, not a destination. ![]() Because that pain is coming, whether you like it or not. Getting over an ex has a lot more to do with knowing who you are and the story you tell yourself about your past relationship than it does with trying to mitigate the pain every time you’re reminded of them. So before admonishing you to “get back out there,” I want you to try to look at things a little differently first. But to me, all of these things seem like slapping a band-aid on the gaping flesh wound where your heart used to be: technically, they don’t really hurt to try, but by themselves, they can only do so much. And sure, you probably should “take time for yourself” and “reconnect with friends” and all that, as we’ll see. You’re probably pretty sick and tired of trying to figure out how to get over “the one that got away” already.Ī lot of “advice” out there tries to deconstruct getting over a breakup into these nice little lists, as if you can get over someone you loved and lost by checking another item off of your list like you’re going grocery shopping or something. So this is probably, like, the 57th article you’ve read after getting dumped.
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